I don’t hate jocks anymore. In fact, I don’t really like to use the word “jock,” because “jock” is a class of people that you reference when your life is more RPG than reality. You use the word “jock” because it makes you feel better about yourself and the intelligence system that you’ve placed on everyone. They’ve got big muscles, so they must be stupid, because that’s how Final Fantasy works. My biceps look like hot dogs that are uncooked and moldy at the same time, so I am superior in both wit and smarts! The people who continue to complain about jocks into adulthood are the same people who stay miserable forever, trapped in both a lopsided hierarchy that they’ve imposed on themselves, and also in airplane seats.
I’ve been going to the gym, six times a week, for about two months now, and I feel fantastic. I’m gaining more muscle definition and mass, and unlike what sixth grade Daniel thought, I didn’t magically lose my sense of humor because I figured out how to bench press. But this isn’t just about all the wonders of finding out that a gym membership isn’t my Kryptonite, because, at the same rate that you’ll find idiots outside the gym, you’ll find them within the gym. And since you’re supposed to follow the advice of people with more experience than you, I’ve picked up ten pieces of gym etiquette that you need to follow in order to make things run as smoothly as possible.